matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
