the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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