is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My bed smells like the plague
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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