I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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