An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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