So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
