i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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