I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
