Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
this hospital has no fireball
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I need water and some morals
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
