When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
