I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
