Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
