dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
