Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
