Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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