I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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