i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
