Where are you?
In a non slutty way
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
