All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
