some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
