if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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