I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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