Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
