Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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