I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
