Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
operation harelip BJ is a go
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You are a genius and a whore.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
