once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize