I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
