i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
