Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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