Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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