get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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