I wish I could teleport
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
