I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
