I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
