Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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