I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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