I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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