I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize