There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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