Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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