a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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