If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Randomize
