So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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