I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
