accomplished twins. life is a go
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
