thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
