I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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