Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
