I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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