i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize