Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
