Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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