my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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