my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
