I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
then he tried to convert me to islam
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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