why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
