Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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