I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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