I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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