she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
