I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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