please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
