So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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