I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
