To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
