shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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